think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
