Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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