That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
