A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
