your room smells of hookers.
And success
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
