I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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