Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
