after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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