..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
