We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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