She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize