I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
