He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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