Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
