The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
