im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
