You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
