Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
