I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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