420 ftw
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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