i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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