I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
