Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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