1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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