He is such a slut. More and more my type.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
