Soap is not a condiment
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
