i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
