Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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