I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
