I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
