He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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