we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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