You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
