Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
