It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
