update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The uberlube is also flammable
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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