girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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