and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
