We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize