put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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