You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
