doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
too bad you live with your parents still
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
