Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
