Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Randomize