I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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