i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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