If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
