If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
