Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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