Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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