forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
