A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize