I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
