I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
