the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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