WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
