i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
