I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize