____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry about my life...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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