You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
