His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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