Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
