Say something about gay babies.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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