You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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