hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just google imaged poop.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
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a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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